You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
