dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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