i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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