oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize