pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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