i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
