Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize