I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Found the puke drawer
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Randomize
