Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
What a dumb baby whore.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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