she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
