i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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