Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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