I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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