I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
