paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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