she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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