Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
