never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
