I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
