I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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