he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
