So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
