I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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