New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
