I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just threw up on my dentist
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
