Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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