I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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