i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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