he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
