Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
