What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
