I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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