he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
