When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
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