your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
