you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
