we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
