Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I think my moral compass just broke
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