Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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