I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
