that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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