Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
