sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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