so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
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So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
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HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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