I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
