I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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