Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
