Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
