Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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