I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize