Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize