just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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