If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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