There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
