In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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