Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
