I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize