Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
