They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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