yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
