I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
