please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
