I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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