i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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