One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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