I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
