my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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