Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
