you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
