Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
