nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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