Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
