Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
That accounts for only three of the penises
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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