note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
