i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
