meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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