Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
