I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
everyone is single if you try hard enough
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
