I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
