He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
