Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
